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"I've never done this before..." Ichigo said softly, shyly. [Dec. 21st, 2007|07:58 pm]
Badfic Addict

kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, , ]

Title: Heart's Bond
Author: Gwen Waverider
Fandom: Bleach

By the end of this story, the casualty list is high: Ichigo, Urahara, Byakuya, Hisagi, Shunsui are all pregnant. Gin is trying to get pregnant, and Kira was once pregnant but tragically had the babies beaten out of him. In fact, it seems like the only ones not in danger of getting pregnant are the women.

There are a lot of other things to love, as well. The creative characterization, the author's notes, the sex scenes that read like they've been cobbled together out of a million bad yaoi fanfics. There are over thirty chapters of this story, and I managed to read all of them because each chapter had something new and fun!

Plot

Male shinigami can get pregnant. There's also some plot involving Ichigo's sister, Karin, becoming a shinigami, but who wants to read about that?

Quotes:

The best thing about this story is the characterization, so here are a few quotes that will introduce you to this author's unique interpretations of the Bleach characters.

Read more...Collapse )
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A deformity made this uterus. [Dec. 3rd, 2007|03:54 pm]
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sudaki
[Tags|, ]

Title: Would You Love Me?
Author: Duelriel
Fandom: Ai no Kusabi

Riki is pregnant with Iason's baby. There's really no more I can say without spoiling this fic. But it's really not your standard MPREG. You have to read it. You just do.

Some exerpts.Collapse )

Sorry, I have to stop there. It's getting too hard to pick them. Just go read it.
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Teenagers. [May. 12th, 2007|11:54 pm]
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sudaki
[Tags|, , ]

Title: The Taste of Plastic (I can't find a link to any kind of index, but chapters are linked below)
Author: latenightchild
Fandom: Prince of Tennis

(Chapter links: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine)

It doesn't matter whether you know anything about Prince of Tennis, even moreso than the vampire story. The badness that is this fic transcends such pettiness. But it does help if you know that the author consistently misspells characters' names, calling Inui "Inoh" and Fuji "Fiji." Mostly... it is just plain incompetent and weird. Zoro eating peanut butter weird. Kaidou supposedly reeks of charcoal, while Tezuka's car is filled with the overwhelming odor of ink. No explanations are given as to why this is so, let alone why it is supposed to be sexy. It goes on like this.

Quotes.Collapse )
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Infamous Fairy Princess [Mar. 17th, 2007|01:50 am]
Badfic Addict

darksylvia
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

Title: Princess Delights.
Author: Starema
Fandom: Queer as Folk (US)

This is a famous badfic in the QaF fandom. All you have to do is mention the title to any one who's been in the fandom for a little while and they'll either giggle maniacally or start twitching. Sometimes both.

here's whyCollapse )
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The scarecrow said nothing. [Feb. 1st, 2007|09:38 pm]
Badfic Addict

kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, , ]

Title: The Dolphin's Love
Author: Tokaku
Fandom: Naruto

If you've endured the tangled and savage wilderness of Naruto fandom without recs list as a guide, hacking away through archives for readable Kakashi/Iruka... then you'll love this. If not, you'll probably just be confused.

I suppose this is an anti-rec, because this is a good fic.

Plot:

The dolphin tells the scarecrow he loves him. It is not a happy ending.

Quotes:

It's short enough that to pull out a quote would spoil the surprise (if you haven't gotten it already). Just ... read the reviews. They're precious.

And look, fanart. SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!Collapse )
LinkLeave a comment

"That's narutarded!" [Jan. 29th, 2007|07:04 pm]
Badfic Addict

kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Music |Prince of Tennis Musical (I hate you, sudaki. die.)]

Title: uke
Author: sephirothsslave
Fandom: Naruto

I have a theory:

Something that contains a great enough density of unfunny can punch a hole in the fabic of spacetime, creating a window into a parallel universe where it's actually hilarious. This would explain the popularity of Jeff Foxworthy.

...and also why I laughed at this fic.

Plot:

I don't think my theory applies to plot. There is none.

Quotes

There's an author profile.

i love orlando bloom and kurama well yuko kurama hes my bitch.inuyashas my bitch too but thats personal

And there's an eye-catching summary.

ok i think that the stories,not all,but some are dull and lacking humor so im making this little thing no lemons or any of that but strictly for your entertainment,and laughing makes you live longer so dont critisize me ill just throw it back in your face
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Should badfix expand its horizons? [Jan. 20th, 2007|08:43 pm]
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kutsuwamushi
[Tags|]

I keep a file of quotes that I think are funny, stupid, or otherwise wonderful. Then every once in a while, I post them to my journal.

Like so.

Most of the time the fics that I pull the quotes from aren't special enough to end up here. What I'm wondering is if you guys would be interested in me posting these quotes here anyway, instead of in my journal. Should we perhaps expand badfix into a general badfic appreciation society, with recs and quotes?

Pros: More activity. More funny.

Cons: There's something to be said for consistency.

Yes or no?

Yes
17(94.4%)
No
1(5.6%)
LinkLeave a comment

Rule one: everything is better with vampires [Jan. 17th, 2007|10:04 pm]
Badfic Addict

sudaki
[Tags|, , ]

Title: Blood Rush
Author: Renewed
Fandom: Prince of Tennis

I knew I had to post this even before I read it, in fact the moment I saw the intro on tenipuri_yaoi. I highly reccomend reading this.

In case you did not, let me recap: Prince of Tennis. Tezuka is a vampire living in a public park. He is befriended by two-year-old Fuji Shuusuke, who is a girl now for some reason. Some years later he rescues Shuusuke and Yuuta from an attack by other vampires and raises them as his own children, only he and Shuusuke are in love, and Yuuta runs away and makes a vow to slay all vampires. But why is it a Prince of Tennis fic?

QuotesCollapse )
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The special gay division of the Air Force [Jan. 9th, 2007|09:13 pm]
Badfic Addict

kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, ]

Title: Rainbow Warrior
Author: Lady Grey
Fandom: Stargate SG-1

This is probably the best fic to show up here, and I mean that literally. It's not the best worst, it's the best. It's actually more or less well-written.

That is, if you ignore the premise - and I suggest you do.

Plot:

We learn through a lengthy and ham-handed news report that the military has finally decided to welcome gays, and indeed, to actively court them (no pun intended).

Jack leaves the SGC and ends up with his special rainbow unit in Afghanistan. Acting on intel from one of their new, gay (but closeted) Afghani friends, they find Osama bin Laden, and Jack tackles the big guy himself.

It was at this point that I stopped reading, because I figured it would never get any better.

Quotes:

No quote, but an image: the title graphic.
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

Orbs of fire [Oct. 2nd, 2006|10:03 pm]
Badfic Addict

kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Music |Madredeus - O Sonho]

Title: Forbidden Fruit
Author: Eremir
Fandom: Lord of the Rings

For each "sphere," pour half a shot. For each "luscious fruit" pour a whole shot. For "orbs of fire," drink the whole bottle.

Plot:

Erestor likes oranges. In fact, Erestor likes oranges a little too much, if you know what I mean. When Glorfindel shows up wearing orange oil from BPAL, Erestor's animal urges take over.

Favorite quotes:

I'm just going to copy my favorite scene. After having citrus-scented sex with the orange-addled Erestor, Glorfindel takes him to the orchard.

Read more...Collapse )

I highly recommend reading this one, guys. It's the best fic about Erestor being turned on by oranges ever.
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Sometimes a male elf can develop a magic womb [Oct. 1st, 2006|07:57 pm]
Badfic Addict

kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Music |Madredeus - Margem]

Title: Pain
Author: Midhiel
Fandom: Lord of the Rings

I've spent the evening trying to find the worst best fic on Library of Moria. When I saw this one, with its magnificent summary, its beautiful avant garde prose, and its thought-provoking exploration of gender roles, I immediately put it on the short list.

The Plot:

The author of this fic has actually done a good job of summarizing it on her own:
LITTLE ELROND IS PREGNANT AFTER A RAPE. But for how much
time he would be able to keep the baby. It is not a happy ending.

Favorite QuotesCollapse )
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“I meant why is this happening to Luffy?! He doesn’t deserve to be in pain!!” [Sep. 29th, 2006|09:07 pm]
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sudaki
[Tags|, ]

Title: REBEL [one] [two] [three]
Author: Yaoi Lady
Fandom: One Piece

PLOT:
Luffy is brunette. He is a brunette at least twenty times in the first chapter alone.

But the real fun is in chapter two, so I reccomend skipping there. In summary, Luffy is so dreadfully ill that he cannot eat and sleeps all day, and everyone is so terribly concerned that they don't do anything at all. Except Zoro. Because Luffy talking about how he feels barfing is such a turn-on, Zoro has wild monkey sex with him. Afterwards, Luffy pukes blood.

Look out for the footnoted lesson in first aid!

Excerpts.Collapse )
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The skies weep for the pathetic fallacy. [Jul. 26th, 2006|02:39 am]
Badfic Addict

kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Music |Seksu Roba - Velvet Star Remix]

Title: Monsoon Season [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6]
Author: Violaine
Fandom: Gundam Wing

If this fic was homemade mashed potatoes, and the purple prose was delicious gravy, I certainly wouldn't complain about not having enough gravy. In fact, if it was possible to have too much gravy, there might be a problem.

...

I have a feeling this metaphor doesn't work.

*ahem*

The Plot:

Heero finds out that Wufei is having an affair with Treize, which makes them both miserable. The author trips over the English language while trying to perform complicated tricks with it, and it rains a lot.

Favorite quotes:

Half of the fun of this fic is watching the author pile angst on top of angst, which doesn't really come across well in excerpts. Nevertheless, it was hard to choose which quotes I liked best!

And I'll be upfront: by the sixth chapter of this soggy pile of angstpotatoes, I was ready to switch to a fluffy chocolate mousse, or something.

just a tasteCollapse )
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....What? [Jul. 25th, 2006|11:41 pm]
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sudaki
[Tags|, , ]

Title: JJs misadventures
Author: Riley
Fandom: FAKE. I... think.

... Aside from the fact that this is a threesome involving Dee, Ryo, and J.J., I... can't really say much. Because I have no idea what is going on here. I'm.... I'm so confused. I think this might actually be a really GOOD fic, so complex that my mere earth-brain cannot comprehend it.

...quotesCollapse )

And then.... a few longer passages from the sex scene, because if you thought you were confused before, you were wrong.

Something about an ass.Collapse )
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"I'm glad you're dead! Did you hear me, Seiji? GLAD! And you dyed your hair you kogal." [Jul. 21st, 2006|01:07 am]
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sudaki
[Tags|, , , ]

Title: I am Sorry
Author: Rosemary
Fandom: Ronin Warriors / Yoroiden Samurai Troopers

Tiny, but delicious. Like a succulent bon-bon.

It’s funny I can handle fighting Talpa and his minions of darkness,
deal with being slash by katanas, even poison with lethal potions, but this I can’t handle.
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THE URGE TO MATE [Jul. 20th, 2006|03:38 am]
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kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, , , , , , ]
[Current Music |Franz Ferdinand - 40']

Title: A Panther/Duo Fic
Author: Sephiroth
Fandom: Gundam Wing

Sephiroth is a model of efficiency.

She made a name for herself in the days of the GW Mailing Lists by crossposting several chapters of her many fics - EVERY DAY. It was impossible to be a fan and not know her name. By the time she left the fandom, Gundam Wing Addiction listed two hundred and forty-three series by her.

<pause to allow you to marvel>

How did she do it? Simply by cutting out unnecessary elements such as explanation, detail, and character development. (Logic usually got cut out too.) The resulting chapters were at most a few paragraphs long, packaging the maximum amount of badness in the smallest possible space.

This fic is my favorite of all her works.

We don't know why Duo is in a jungle, why Dr. J is torturing Duo, or how two male members of completely different species are able to breed. None of this is important. What's important is the essence of the fic: Duo is raped by a panther and gets pregnant. Sephiroth's efficiency in communicating this to us is what makes her one of the greats.

The Plot:

Duo is raped by a panther and gets pregnant.

Favorite Quotes:

"Guys, I gotta bail." he told them. "I'm in labor."
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From the gecko. [Jul. 18th, 2006|11:20 pm]
Badfic Addict

koshiroryuu
[Tags|, , , , , , , , ]

So after much thought and consideration, and maybe a bit of pondering, and perhaps some other things that I'm too lazy to get my thesaurus out to look up, I've decided that my very first post here should be a classic. Yes, that's right, a classic. One of the grand old dames of badfic, if you will. And that grand old dame is Link's Queen.

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link's Queen
Fandom: Legend of Zelda

Now, I'll be honest here and state for the record that, despite the fact that this is one of my very very very favoritest fics ever, I have not actually sat down and read the whole thing in its entirety all at once. Why, you ask? Well, because it's damn long, that's why, and once you hit about the seventeen-millionth sex scene involving a hot gay elf-like man and the Mary Sue of his nightmares making tiger sounds, you'll know just what I mean.

This fic is like a fine gourmet meal, people. Like a rich chocolate mousse. You can't just gulp it down, you have to savor it a bit at a time.

Let's start with the author's notes, shall we?Collapse )

LQ has songfic, too, BTW. Songfic based on Mariah Carey songs. You know you want it.
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If only he had acces to...his toys. [Jul. 18th, 2006|06:56 pm]
Badfic Addict

sudaki
[Tags|, , , ]

Title: Admitting
Author: Rani of Night
Fandom: One Piece

So how about a basic plot summary: Zoro gets drunk because Sanji broke his heart. Mihawk teaches him to love again. Mihawk has a collection of sex toys. Zoro eats peanut butter. Mihawk takes Zoro shopping. And in a startling twist, Crocodile is jealous. It's the perfect blend of cliche and strange moments of WTF, and it's weeping betrayed uke Zoro.

Favorite QuotesCollapse )

If the descriptive blurb is any indication, it ought to have "[...] BDSM,B-Mod,Bond,BP,CBT,D/s,HJ,Lemon,MaleDom, [...] SoloM,Toys,VS" at some time in the future. It appears to be continuing in a timely fashion, so don't forget to check back for updates!
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I HAVE ALREADY TOLLED YOU [Jul. 18th, 2006|12:54 am]
Badfic Addict

kutsuwamushi
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Music |Test Icicles - What's In The Box]

Title: mate
Author:shamanqueens
Fandom:: Gundam Wing

Gundam Wing is a notable exception to Sturgeon's Law Revelation. Instead of 90% of Gundam Wing fics being crap, it's much closer to 99.999999%. Good fic for this series is so rare that for practical purposes it doesn't actually exist.

I only found this fic today, but I already think it's a classic. It packs so many of the traditional Gundam Wing badfic elements into such a small package. See if you can spot them all!

The Plot:

Duo is a beautiful maiden boy with rosy cheeks and "liquid violet orbs". (Eww, are they runny?) Men from all across the land come to his small town to try to win his heart, but he turns each of them down. Then one day werewolves start mysteriously trying to rape Duo.

It ends there because there's only one chapter, but I think that makes this story epitomize Gundam Wing badfic even more.

Excerpt:Collapse )
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Temple of the Golden Sun [Jul. 17th, 2006|04:00 pm]
Badfic Addict

darksylvia
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Mood |bitchybitchy]

Temple of the Golden Sun

It's by Ashleigh Kinners, reigning queen of the bad!fic in the Queer as Folk fandom just because of the sheer volume she manages to produce.

But this story is special.

Because she decided that what a story about Gay men in Pittsburgh really needed to spice it up was ritual sacrifice! "The Guardian" (aka Brian) is a sort of head priest in an odd temple, whose job it is to sacrifice the boys who are living there to God when they get old enough. And I get the feeling that this lifestyle of ritual murder is supposed to be a turn-on for us readers.

The Guardian/Brian, because he is 'kind', decides to spare Justin's life and keep him for a private sex slave. Justin calls Brian "My Lord". Brian thinks of Justin as "his blonde angel."

It only gets exponentially more twisted from there, and both characters have had all traces of canon personality removed. And I think this story wins for 'most euphamisms for a penis'. It's like a scavenger hunt, people! These are the ones I got from the first chapter: pleasure centre, rod, staff, staff of life.

A small sample unaltered from the original, right after Brian decides not to sacrifice JustinCollapse )


There are lots of really bad sex scenes from there on in, plus a sort of rip-off of the movie The Village and I recommend skimming to preserve your sense of humor.
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